Harrison
Rogue Werewolf
Defence Attorney
I need another story, something to get off my chest.
Posts: 30
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Post by Harrison on Aug 17, 2010 22:38:25 GMT
That guilt of his continued to grow, fed by Gwen's emotions and the words they sent tumbling out of her mouth. She was right about everything she was saying, he could see it from her perspective, how it had to seem like he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her but nothing could be further from the truth. Harrison trusted her more than he had ever trusted anyone in his life and maybe it was time she knew that. "Of course I trust you. I've never trusted anyone more. I've never cared about anyone more." Not even his family, but it didn't seem necessary to say that; it also ran the risk of backfiring and making him seem indifferent towards his mother and father somehow. "When I told you about where I came from and my family, I changed the dates and the surroundings to hide how old I was, yes, but you got as much truth as I could give you. You've seen more of me, the real me, than anyone has in over two hundred years, because I trust you completely."
He didn't want her to think he had been taking advantage of her, that he hadn't cared enough to tell her. It was because he cared that he hadn't told her, and he hoped she could see that, even if it wasn't right away. "I understand that you're upset, that you're angry, and you have every right. I kept something from you, something big, something important, but I just need you to see that I was trying to protect you, I was just trying to do the right thing." His hands left his hips, making him seem less confrontational. "I can see how that was a mistake, that by holding back and only sharing this now must seem so selfish, like I feel obligated to tell you, but I don't mean it that way." His quiet sigh was tired, regretful, his eyes dropping to the floor and wandering off to the side briefly before he spoke again, attention returning to her, "I just... I didn't want you to be scared. Of the world you live in, the people around you. Of me."
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Gwen
Human
Artist/Gallery Owner
I must confess you're my safety pin; hold me together, hide me well.
Posts: 30
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Post by Gwen on Aug 17, 2010 23:09:27 GMT
Those words actually stalled her breathing a little bit, she raised her palms to her face and pressed her fingertips into her eyes, then swept the wetness from her cheeks. "But you kept me in the dark about who you really are. I've been living with a mask." It seemed to her that it wasn't just that he'd not told her, but that he'd let her go about her business day to day ignorant of this massive -part of him, hundreds of years worth of experiences and personality, places he'd seen and things that he'd done, things that made him who he was, things that had altered him in tiny ways or big ways.
"You just told me you're a werewolf, of course I'm scared of you." Gwen regretted saying it almost the moment the words were out of her mouth but she shook her head and looked away, also knowing that one some level it was true, she'd have to be crazy not to feel at least some form of fear with what she'd just witnessed, but she hadn't walked out either, she hadn't run away and that was something. "I told you everything about me," she said, staring at a photograph of them on the sill. "Everything." And she had more or less, there certainly wasn't anything she had purposely kept from him, nothing that she wouldn’t share if asked. Of course her life was much shorter and likely more boring than his and that thought, that one thought gave her a sick sort of feeling all over again, bile on the back of her tongue.
"I must seem like a child to you." Gwen shook her head and turned to the side, pulling her long, dark hair through her fingers again.
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Harrison
Rogue Werewolf
Defence Attorney
I need another story, something to get off my chest.
Posts: 30
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Post by Harrison on Aug 17, 2010 23:30:39 GMT
All of a sudden he realised he felt rather drained. It was all in his head, his body felt fine really and not even the swift back and forth from man to wolf and back to man had taken much of a physical toll. He just felt tired, worn out by the debate -- if that was even the word for it -- between them. Before he even knew he had moved, he found himself sitting on the foot of the bed, his gaze dropped from hers as his hands knitted between his legs, his thoughts scattered and clouded, just out of reach, that guilt continuing to gain strength and gnaw away inside. In keeping the truth from Gwen he had made her feel betrayed, something he had never even taken into account, and now he wished he could wind back the clock to some earlier point in their relationship and ease her into it all somehow rather than dropping the full weight of it all on her at once, and worse, on the tail end of the discovery that she was pregnant.
Swiping one hand slowly over his face, he took another deep breath and let it out slowly. "I never meant to make you feel--" What? So many things, really. Perhaps too many to list. "I'm sorry." Words he had already said, more than once, but he didn't know what to say, what to do. In a courtroom he knew all the moves, had all the lines memorised, could think quickly on his feet, improvise and keep pace with the best of them, but in this sort of deeply personal situation he suddenly felt overwhelmed in his own way, not knowing how to move forward; not knowing what came next frustrated him, and more than that, it was disappointing. Gwen deserved better than repeated apologies.
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Gwen
Human
Artist/Gallery Owner
I must confess you're my safety pin; hold me together, hide me well.
Posts: 30
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Post by Gwen on Aug 17, 2010 23:49:05 GMT
At first she felt vindicated, hearing the weary quality to his voice and seeing him sit on the end of the bed out of the corner of her eye, the way he did when he’d had a particularly hard day at the office, it gave her a vague sense of victory but she hated that she went there immediately afterwards; she was angry at him, incensed but she didn't really want to cause him pain, not truly. Gwen just couldn't help the very human response of an eye for an eye. Still, she was quiet a few moments, digesting his apology, seeing how much she wanted it right then. She wasn't sure after a few minutes if she wanted it at all just yet. There was too much bursting out her her, things needing to be addressed, stuff she needed to ask.
"What would you have done in the end?" Gwen asked quietly, though there was a sharp acidity to her words, like she was right on the cusp of another period of yelling at him, her energy recovered somewhat and now fuelled by sadness seeping in. "Clearly you don't age. Sooner or later I'd have noticed, so this was just-- I was just temporary for you, right?"
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Harrison
Rogue Werewolf
Defence Attorney
I need another story, something to get off my chest.
Posts: 30
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Post by Harrison on Aug 17, 2010 23:59:26 GMT
She was right to be angry at him. What else should he have expected? He hadn't been expecting immediate acceptance or anything even remotely positive but somehow hearing that she was afraid of him and he had, even without meaning to and regardless of having the best intentions in mind at all times hurt her and made her feel stupid and worthless, that he didn't trust her. Why hadn't he thought of all of those possibilities ahead of time? Why was it only now when they were being hurled at him with such potent, raw emotion that they struck him as real and significant?
His eyes rose from the floor and found hers, the idea of her being temporary, a way to pass the time, making something in his chest tighten uncomfortably. Painfully. "No, I--" It was so rare for Harrison to struggle with his words, to trip over them or fumble to any degree, and it felt alien, like someone else was in control all of a sudden and he didn't really have anything in order. "I didn't think that far ahead," he admitted quietly, shaking his head and gazing off to one side briefly. When his gaze returned to hers, a strange kind of clarity had returned and he knew that what he said was the truth, regardless of the fact that it had never struck him before, "I didn't want to assume you would stay with me that long, that you wouldn't... find somebody better." Harrison hadn't even known he felt that way; admitting it out loud so soon after it hit home inside of him made him feel strangely vulnerable all of a sudden.
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Gwen
Human
Artist/Gallery Owner
I must confess you're my safety pin; hold me together, hide me well.
Posts: 30
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Post by Gwen on Aug 18, 2010 17:09:45 GMT
Perhaps with time and a look at the bigger picture, the whole picture, with all the dangers that he had been trying to protect her from her anger would subside; with time Gwen could forgive almost anything after all, she got all worked up over things, had her little angry outbursts and once she had gotten it all out of her system she settled again. This was big though, it might take longer and with a baby involved she just didn't know which way things would fall.
"Are you crazy?" Gwen's hands settled on her hips, eyes watery and red rimmed. "You should've thought that far head, I mean, Harry, god, we've been together for a year and a half, I thought--" Harrison tripping over his own words had thrown her off, the calm, constructed sentences had been easy to rail against, to counter with hot shouts and impulsive accusations but somehow, the vulnerability of the way in which his responses faltered slightly made her feel uncomfortable. Gwen was angry, yes, she was apoplectic, but that didn't mean she immediately stopped caring, or that she wanted to make him feel bad, she just wanted to understand, and maybe vent a little. "I was serious about this," she gestured to the both of them. "I was serious about you, but this-- I just can’t understand."
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Harrison
Rogue Werewolf
Defence Attorney
I need another story, something to get off my chest.
Posts: 30
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Post by Harrison on Aug 18, 2010 18:15:44 GMT
Harrison's hands had returned to their knot between his legs and his eyes remained low and down away from her face. Maybe Gwen didn't realise it, but to a werewolf that was a sign of submission, admitting a mistake, deferring to another. In his own way, using subtle body language, Harrison was telling Gwen that everything she had said and was still saying was right and that he couldn't argue with her. He could feel bad about it, wish he had done things differently, but that wouldn't change anything. Mistakes had been made and no amount of wishing and second-guessing could rectify them. That would be too easy anyway, a cheat really; people learned from their mistakes, and Harrison could only hope that Gwen gave him the chance to learn from this.
It wasn't the gesture that drew his gaze up from the ground but the words she spoke to accompany them. There was something about her use of past tense that frightened him, down past the layers of calm and intellect that made him such a successful attorney and struck deep inside close to the core, leaving a chill in its wake. "I said I wouldn't have told you, but if it had--" His mouth felt strangely dry, his throat uncomfortable and he swallowed against it quickly. "I would have found a way to tell you, to ease you into it. I never wanted to tell you like this, drop it all on you at once. I didn't think and I made a mistake. A big mistake. I'm sorry, Gwen, so very sorry. I wish there was some way I could make this right."
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Gwen
Human
Artist/Gallery Owner
I must confess you're my safety pin; hold me together, hide me well.
Posts: 30
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Post by Gwen on Aug 31, 2010 0:18:03 GMT
Gwen didn't realise it, she had no way of knowing anything about werewolf body language or dynamics, all she saw was him looking guilty, and maybe feeling it too and she hated to see him like that but she was seething at the same time, she was sick to her back teeth of arguing with him already but she couldn't stop either because she was so full up of all the things that hadn't been said, by her, by him, everything between them that ought to have been said tonight in light of the news that had been pushed to the side because of the real bombshell. In a funny way she felt slightly annoyed that he'd stolen her thunder, but that was a somewhat childish reaction and she tried very hard to push it away.
"You're sorry, you're sorry, I get that you're sorry! I'm sorry too! I'm sorry I let my guard down around you!" Impulsively, temper flaring again in a volcanic eruption, she picked up a book and hurled it at the wall, not aiming for Harry. "This is such a big secret, Harry!" Gwen proclaimed, tossing her hands in the air. "This is such a big lie. This is-- this is about who you are, this is part of you and now it's part of my child, our child!" She made a frustrated noise through her back teeth. "Every conversation we ever had was a lie!"
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Harrison
Rogue Werewolf
Defence Attorney
I need another story, something to get off my chest.
Posts: 30
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Post by Harrison on Oct 8, 2010 22:47:50 GMT
This was a side of him his work colleagues never saw, no one in his professional life ever even caught a glimpse of because when he was working, Harrison had to be completely in control at all times, always confident and unwavering in his decisions and opinions; he was an open-minded person about things, he had been for many years to be fair, but once he had made up his mind about something -- or someone -- then it was very rare indeed for him to sway or bend in any way. This was different. This was something just for Gwen, a side no one else saw, not even for a moment. To display this kind of uncertainty and insecurity in the courtroom would be fatal, at least as far as the case was concerned; the opposition wouldn't waste any time in attacking that weakness, not unlike another werewolf in a fight, lunging in for that killing blow. From day one, more or less, Gwen had been able to tap into sides of Harrison that no one else had ever been able to access; for a long time now it had intrigued and confused him, even scared him a little, how she could so easily do that to him without even seeming to realise what it was she was doing.
His timing had been terrible, he could see that, but at the same time she had to understand that he hadn't had a choice; it only would have made things worse for him to react to her news without telling her the truth about him, it would have made him seem even more secretive and untrustworthy and honestly it was already painful enough to hear that she thought she had made a mistake in opening up to him the way she had. The book sailed across the room and slammed into the wall with a solid, resounding thump, pages rustling loudly as it fell noisily to the floor where it landed in a heap, open and crumpled under its own weight. Harrison left it, didn't even look at it, keeping his attention solely on Gwen. She deserved that much from him. "That's not true, Gwen," he said to her, a small part of him resenting the implication that he had been lying to her from the start; in a way he knew he had but there were so many things he had never disguised. "I've never lied about how I feel about you. Not once." He took one careful step towards her, precise and calculated quickly in his head, enough to seem forward and honest without being confrontational; yet more body language. "I lied about what I am, yes, I won't deny that and I couldn't even if I wanted to, and you have every right to hate me for that." The deep breath he pulled in didn't much help the tight feeling in his lungs. "But I have never lied about how much I love you, Gwen, about the things I would do for you, how happy I am that I found you, that I want to be with you." It might be too little too late, he knew, but she had to know that he had never lied to her about something so important. Every time he had told her he loved her, whether it be as part of a farewell at the beginning of the day or over the phone or while they lay in bed together at night in the peaceful, shared quiet, he had meant it with all his heart and soul, and Harrison wanted Gwen to know that. More than anything, he just hoped she believed it.
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Gwen
Human
Artist/Gallery Owner
I must confess you're my safety pin; hold me together, hide me well.
Posts: 30
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Post by Gwen on Mar 21, 2011 16:47:52 GMT
Despite the step toward her meant by him with the best intentions Gwen recoiled, stepping backwards and bumping into her dressing table, a hand raised between them as if to keep him at bay. She could still see that huge thing the creature he had become and she shivered a little at the thought of it, unable to really believe this was happening, awash with uncertainty and a strange sense of detachment to the situation around her. Gwen ploughed forwards with her questions and her fears without the reality of what was happening sinking in, she reacted before thinking.
"How am I supposed to know that?" she gasped, shaking her head. "No-- no, I can't trust you Harry. Don't you see that? I don't know what to think-- I can't think." It was too much to take in all in one go, it was too much to wrap her head around and Gwen had apparently reached her limit for trying to fight her way through the questions that buzzed in her head like mosquitos. She wiped her cheeks with the palm of one hand, shaking her head again as if denying the whole situation. "I can't think, I have to get out of here." Gwen tore her eyes from Harrison and started casting about for her purse, it wasn't in the bedroom so she marched out into the living room to look for it, sniffing back a fresh onslaught of harder, hotter tears.
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Harrison
Rogue Werewolf
Defence Attorney
I need another story, something to get off my chest.
Posts: 30
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Post by Harrison on Mar 21, 2011 16:50:45 GMT
Though she might not have understood it or even recognised it in the moment that she moved that recoil from him was more wounding than anything she could say. Harrison couldn't help the flash of a wince over his face as though the action had been literally painful to him. His feet stopped carrying him forward and they anchored to the spot, his throat feeling dry and uncomfortable all over again. It was only when she mentioned leaving that he felt he could move or think or speak again, panic firing through his veins with such intense heat that it felt almost scalding.
"Gwen, wait, please don't," he pleaded, following her from the bedroom into the living room as she looked around for her purse. It was on the couch, he could see it from where he stood and yet something almost childish but by no means less desperate kept him from pointing it out to her. "Please don't leave," he went on, trying to find a way to get past her without actually making contact, respecting her wishes about keeping distance even if he was trailing after her, a somewhat predatory pursuit she might not appreciate in the end.
Finally spotting an opening he gave her a wide enough berth to be respectful and keep from being too intimidating so he could come around in front of her, trying not to make her feel cornered. "If anyone should leave, it's me," he told her, one hand slightly raised to try and show her he meant her no harm, that he was doing his best and wanted only to help if he could. Harrison doubted that was possible now and the idea of losing Gwen terrified him right to his very core.
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Gwen
Human
Artist/Gallery Owner
I must confess you're my safety pin; hold me together, hide me well.
Posts: 30
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Post by Gwen on Mar 23, 2013 20:42:47 GMT
"No," Gwen said, swallowing a lump in her throat. "No, I need to get out of here. I need some fresh air." She was shaking as she moved through the living room, unable to see her purse through the way her eyelashes had clumped together tears. After a moment she had to stop and get her bearings back. Nothing seemed real, it felt like a dream swirling around around her and she couldn't find a solid reference point to focus on while she stayed there.
When she had taken and let free a long breath she spotted her purse on the couch and went to pick it up. When she had straightened she turned around, towards Harrison, but her eyes didn't settle on him. "I can't look at you right now, Harry," she said, shaking her head. "This is just-- it's too much."
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Harrison
Rogue Werewolf
Defence Attorney
I need another story, something to get off my chest.
Posts: 30
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Post by Harrison on Mar 23, 2013 23:17:48 GMT
It felt so wrong to keep his distance from her when she was so upset, so many instincts were crying out for him to go to her, lay his hands on her and try to comfort her and make things better somehow but that was the one thing he couldn't do. The one thing she didn't want from him. It was like fighting against a physical pull and he had to actually take a step back to keep from going against her wishes, ducking his head for a moment so he could try and collect his thoughts. Harrison knew he didn't have anyone else to blame, he was the one who had opened this door and gotten them into this situation but there was no going back now and ultimately it was for the best that he be honest with her, whatever happened in the end. Even though the thought of losing her hurt more than he could bear she deserved to know what he had pulled her into, no matter the innocence of his intentions.
"All right," he said in the end, lifting his head and taking another step back to give her space to get to the door, hating the idea of watching her leaving but fearing the possibility of damaging their relationship any further even more. "I'm so sorry, Gwen. Really I am." He had already said it but it was important that she know just how sorry he was. Harrison wanted to ask her not to go too far, to call him if she needed anything, to come back when she was ready but all of those statements felt wrong, no matter how he tried to shape them in his head they kept coming out badly and so he discarded them all completely. "I'll--" For a moment he wasn't sure what it was he wanted to say so he just took hold of the first thing that came to mind, the first thing that felt right, "I'll be here." When you need me.
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