Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Jun 5, 2010 17:38:17 GMT
There wasn't a morning that went by in the last three weeks that Nerys didn't wake up with Keegan's name on her lips. This morning was no different. With a cool dawn breeze threading in through the gap in her window she had woken up curled on her side and blinked into the sunlight that shifted and streaked across her pristine linen bed sheets. His name tingled on her lips and she reached to brush her fingers over them, remembering his kiss, the taste that he'd left behind. It never seemed to go away and she didn't know if that was a blessing or a curse. It had been nearly a month since she had tried to take her own life and in such a small space of timeeverything had changed. Cole had been right, when they'd talked, she needed this as much as the position needed to be filled. It had been so long since she had been a Beta female, she'd been just a slip of a girl by comparison to who she was now and she'd considered the offer very carefully. In the end though she couldn't refuse, couldn't turn down the pack when it needed her. That wouldhave been so selfish, she couldn't do it and Cole was right. Nerys needed this. Despite Keegan being in the forefront of her mind when she opened her eyes, the way he was every morning, she got up and forced her thoughts away, she had to focus, she had things to do.
Today was important. Nerys had spent the morning -- and a few previous leading up to it -- sorting through her old, dusty boxes. A typewriter had come out and Irina had played around with it for a while to much amusement, acres of old, dusty tomes and journals, a quill of all things, still with its dried up little ink well and Nerys had deemed much of it useless. Though none of it junk. It was all nostalgic to her. Nerys liked her storerooms, up amongst the old bound leather journals, the dusty boxes, it felt warm and cosy, it was welcoming to her and she felt she belonged. Which was why a couple of those boxes had found their way down into her office, first editions littered the couch in piles, not yet alphabetised onto the shelf. Nerys held up two paintings she had dug out, one in each hand and considered them with a sceptical expression. One rose higher and was scrutinised, then the other, her head turning back and forth. Tough decision.
With a sigh she put them down again and decided to come back to them, skirting around her desk instead, dusting off the vase she'd brought down, lost in pensive thought.
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Asher
Pack Werewolf
Cole's Pack
The world seems not the same, though I know nothing has changed.
Posts: 75
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Post by Asher on Jun 6, 2010 0:12:21 GMT
For the last few weeks Asher's life had revolved around one thing, and for the first time in so many long, empty and aching years, it was not only his mate occupying his mind. Maria was always in his thoughts, she never went anywhere, a constant presence, a whisper through his mind, a brush of a touch that was only ever mental now and would never be physical again. It had been easier to deal with that gaping hole in his life over the past few weeks, however, something that Asher had never before thought possible. For so long he had been dealing with his grief, consumed by it in so many ways, and he had come to think, understandably so, that it would never fade, that mournful ache every moment that he was without her. He had never expected to be wrong about that. Asher had come to terms with the knowledge that he would be feeling that way for the rest of his life, in its own way it felt right for her absence to be painful.
And then the little girl, little Susie, had come into his life. He hadn't been expecting her at all, but she'd literally walked into his life looking so lost and alone and bewildered by everything, smothered in that jacket that was obviously made for a man, miles too big for her, hanging down almost to her feet and stretching past her hands. Since then he had been taking care of her, making sure she had food, a comfortable place to sleep; frequently he spent the night with her, just watching over her, and for the first time in his life, just after her arrival, he had read a bedtime story. The book had come out of the library, Tina had tracked it down for him, and he'd sat in the armchair by the bed that looked about ready to swallow the little girl whole, she was so small, and he'd read it to her. He was doing a lot of things for the first time now that Susie was around, and in the last few days Asher had found himself with questions to which he didn't have the answers.
While he was close with Tina, it wasn't to her that he went with his questions but to another blonde she-wolf entirely. For a long time now Asher had respected Nerys; not only did he recognise something in her that he knew he carried himself, but the way in which she was connected to the world around her on a level that no other lycanthrope was comforted him. He couldn't understand why exactly it had that effect on him, but he had come to terms with the fact that it was simply one of those things that just was; he wasn't supposed to understand it.
When he reached the door to what was now Nerys' office after tracking her scent through the hotel, Asher hesitated, wondering if perhaps his questions really needed answering. Maybe he should wait and see what came to him naturally rather than looking to others for explanations. If anything, that hesitation told him he did need to speak to someone about everything that was on his mind, and he lifted a hand and knocked lightly on the door.
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Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Jun 6, 2010 16:16:11 GMT
One of the things that had changed for Nerys in the last few weeks had been because of Susie's presence in the pack; her heart went out to the poor little girl who had lost everything and while she was unable to speak, her voice robbed away by shock it had been Nerys who had spoken to her and managed to read her name, looking into her and seeing the horrible event that had led to her turning. it was all darkness and blood in the little girls past, splinters from a broken door and the almighty bellow of a wolf. Susie's big blue eyes had stared up at her and they'd shared a moment of understanding that took the air right out of the old blonde's lungs. From then on she had been thoroughly selfless when it came to the little girl who reminded her so very much of her own baby sister, scooping her up in her arms and taking her into one of the spare rooms. with her new duties as the Beta female she couldn't be a constant for the young girl and she knew that but she had been there in the first few days, helping to watch over her, speaking with Rowena and Nate -- whom she had thanked sincerely for his help in saving her own life -- and ensuring that the girl had everything she needed.
A few days ago she had been trawling through the police reports; Nate had said that judging by her level of malnourishment he'd estimate that she'd been living on the streets for the last four or five months annoys used that time frame to search or any reports that were relevant. They were usually on top of things like animal attacks in the city, but this one had fallen through the cracks. It had fallen through the cracks because it hadn't been filed as an animal attack; the three bodies that had been recovered from the single story house had been so mutilated that there was no real way to tell what had happened to them, only that they had been torn to ribbons and bled to death. Awful. Nerys had felt sick reading the report, the images flooding into her mind as if she were standing in that house and seeing it first had, as if she could smell the bile and blood and vomit all around her. Susie must have crawled out of the dog flap, she thought, seeing the crime scene photograph of it, smeared with blood and tiny hand-prints. That poor girl.
It hadn't escaped her notice that Susie had taken to Asher. Children, she knew, had a special sort of perception when it came to adults and she got the feeling that Susie could sense the loss in Asher, the hole in his heart and recognised it. It was the same hole she felt, the same sort of massive grief that she and Asher shared. Something a little eight year old girl should never have to feel. Maybe though, maybe here she would start to heal, she had a whole life ahead of her. Ironically her thoughts were on Asher and Susie when the knock came at her door. "Come in." Nerys called softly, raising her green eyes from the cluttered desk and the vase she was smoothing down with the duster.
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Asher
Pack Werewolf
Cole's Pack
The world seems not the same, though I know nothing has changed.
Posts: 75
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Post by Asher on Jun 7, 2010 17:44:44 GMT
The more Asher had discovered, being told by one or another of the leaders so that he could be informed and therefore better equipped to deal with their young addition, the less he had wanted to know about it as a whole. No one, least of all a child, should have had to live through something so traumatic, so bloody and grim, and knowing that Susie had survived the attack only to be changed into an animal herself had made Asher feel for the little girl even more than he already had, made him feel more protective of her, made him want to shield and support and help her. The male wolf knew there was no way he could undo what had happened to her, but if he could make her life just that little bit lighter and more comfortable, then he had already decided, not long after her arrival, to do whatever he could, whenever he could. So much of his waking time had been spent with Susie, and honestly, it hadn't struck him as at all unnatural or strange, not until he'd paused to think about how much time had passed since her arrival and just how much of it he had spent with her personally.
It wasn't that it worried him. That wasn't the case at all. How could Asher worry about spending time with someone who clearly needed it? It was the fact that Asher had never thought of himself in the kind of role into which he had so blindly stumbled, nor had he taken such an active, prominent role in the rehabilitation -- for want of a better word -- of a new member of the pack. Susie had somehow managed to come into his life and turn it all around without him even noticing. It didn't worry him, merely confused him, and it was his hope that the pack's new Beta female could help to alleviate some of that confusion. Even a little understanding on his part might go a long way ultimately, and at the end of the day, it would be better than none at all.
In response to her voice from within, Asher let himself into the room, poking his head around the door first despite the fact that she likely already knew just who it was about to enter. Only then did he swing the door open gently and step inside, offering her a faint smile. "Hello," he greeted her politely, respectfully, his eyes on hers for a moment before they roamed the interior of the office. "I like what you've done so far," he told her. Asher always meant what he said, it was a well known fact; if he couldn't say something he didn't mean, then he didn't say anything at all.
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Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Jun 7, 2010 22:32:04 GMT
Even in her wide experience Nerys had never met a wolf like Susie, still a child and yet able to change from a girl to an animal and back again; it had to be agonisingly frightening for her. The blonde remembered her own first change with searing clarity, the horror of it, the agony that spent through her bones and muscle, sinew shifting, her pale hair spreading and swallowing skin. It had been awful. To be just eight years old and go through that. Her best guess was that the little girl simply shut down those memories, her mind partitioned and protected her from the harrowing experiences. It was an amazing thing, the mind, what it could do, what it did automatically and without prompting. When she was older, and better able to understand not only her surroundings but herself they could held her reconcile the two separate beings, the human and wolf, as they existed now without seeming to touch on another. It was both fascinating and terrifying and terribly sad.
Nerys smiled and gave a deprecating nod, gesturing to the walls. "I'm getting there." Deciding what to put in the space was actually harder than she thought it would be, she didn't know what she wanted to room to say about her, only that she hoped it would be a warm place, somewherecomfortable where the pack would feel they could sit and talk to her about things that were bothering them. "Did you need something, Asher?" As she asked she was smiling her serene and knowingly smile, she already had a sense that he wanted to speak to her, he wouldn't have come to find her otherwise, but more than that, the way he held himself made her curious as to his intentions and the questions that waited inside of him.
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Asher
Pack Werewolf
Cole's Pack
The world seems not the same, though I know nothing has changed.
Posts: 75
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Post by Asher on Jun 8, 2010 17:09:42 GMT
Nerys was far from alone in that surprise and disbelief, the kinds that had swept through the hotel, spreading like wildfire after the little girl's arrival. They all knew, even those who had been bitten or turned and not born, that children were not supposed to have wolves. They were always inside, buried down deep, quiet and slumbering, but they couldn't rise until the body and the mind were ready, until it was time. An eight-year-old should not have a wolf rising and rearing to go, a full-blooded, feral predator. Not only was there no way a child could control a wolf with any kind of true success, but it was just too much for someone so young. Children who were attacked usually died, too small and weak to survive the extent of the injuries the likes of which a lycanthrope could inflict. Even Cole, the oldest and most experienced of them all, had been surprised by Susie. Werewolf children, children who could actually change, were just unheard of.
Asher too hoped that they could help Susie come to terms with what she had become, help her to absorb the information she clearly couldn't digest at such a young age after everything she had been through. It truly was as though the two sides of her were different entities, the girl and the wolf, and there was a line dividing them, with only the faintest traces of a blur in the middle. Like her eyes. Asher had noticed the glimpses of the wolf in her eyes, hadn't been able to miss them in all the time he'd spent with her. It wasn't clear just yet what that meant, that frequent display of the other side when in her human form; it could go either way, and Asher for one already knew he would be there, ready to help her and do whatever he could, whatever happened.
"I did, yes," he confirmed quietly, nodding his head, his loose hair hanging around his face, long enough to shield the scar at his jaw, running along under his ear. He only ever pulled it back to play piano. Checking himself before he asked whether or not he was disturbing her, knowing that she would say of course he wasn't with a soft smile on her face, he instead took a moment to gather his thoughts and get them in a coherent order. "I'd just like to speak with you about..." Asher paused, voice trailing off into silence as he hesitated. No, no hesitation. Nerys wouldn't misunderstand him, of course she wouldn't, nor would she judge him. "About Susie. If that's all right?"
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Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Jun 9, 2010 12:01:29 GMT
In the end she supposed they ought to be thankful that Susie had found her way to their pack, without one she surely would have been dead in the near future, there was just no way that she would have been able to survive on her own, whether claimed by the elements, some cruel vampire or another, or even a territorial rogue the world was just too big and bad a place for a little scrap of a girl like the blonde who had wandered up to the hotel to survive in. At least here she would be with her own kind, she would be protected from the world out there, they could teach her what she needed to know when she was ready, it wouldn’t 't all be forced on her by circumstance and if they could make sure she stayed calm she might not have to change again until she was truly old enough to begin the natural changes that came with born wolves reaching puberty. Nerys hoped that would be the case, sincerely so.
It was just as well that Asher had come to talk to her because she had been planning to discuss Susie with him anyway in a few days, when she'd gotten herself righted in the office and comfortable in her position as Beta female. As it was she didn't mind that he had come to her first, in fact it was encouraging.
At his words she smiled her quiet smile and nodded, gesturing to one of the two seats that were angled in front of her desk so as not to be facing it head on. "Have a seat." She said and moved around behind the desk and picked up a tall flask as she wended her way over to the other chair, so as not to sit with the desk between them which would feel impersonal and detached; she wanted to have a conversation. "Tea?" She asked, raising it slightly. "Natasha brought a flask up for me on her way to the music room."
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Asher
Pack Werewolf
Cole's Pack
The world seems not the same, though I know nothing has changed.
Posts: 75
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Post by Asher on Jun 12, 2010 18:28:57 GMT
Some wolves simply couldn't function without a pack, either because they were too dependent on all that support and that family atmosphere or even just because of the structure and the stability, or because they literally couldn't survive without one. Asher had come to suspect that Susie fell into both categories. She had managed to survive for several months on her own, without a pack, but it would have been only a matter of time before she reached some kind of end, either because she encroached on the territory of a pack who didn't take kindly to outsiders or because she simply couldn't get enough to eat. A little girl, werewolf or not, simply wasn't designed -- for want of a better word -- to live alone. Children needed families and support and protection, and Asher was nothing short of wildly and deeply grateful that Susie had found The Hyperion, and therefore the pack, and that her wolf hadn't rejected the new surroundings.
Truth be told, Asher would have sought out Nerys' guidance Beta title or not. He had respected and admired her for a long time and her word carried a great deal of weight to him, and had long before she had accepted the position of a leader within a pack. She was a natural born counsellor in his eyes, and he supposed that was part of why she had been offered the position in the first place, but there was simply something about Nerys that was calming. Asher wasn't sure what it was, but faced with her now, he found it a little easier to keep himself collected and keep his thoughts in some sort of order.
His dark eyes landing on the flask, Asher paused for only a moment before nodding his head in agreement. "Thank you," he added, before he moved forward to accept the seat that had been offered, placing himself in one of the two with Nerys obviously intending to take the other for herself. He would wait until she had gotten herself settled before he aired his thoughts; it not only felt polite, but it would give him time to get everything in the right order in his mind.
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Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Aug 16, 2010 10:57:57 GMT
"My tea set is packed in here somewhere," Nerys was saying quietly while Asher settled himself, though she had apparently uncovered two mismatched teacups because when she moved a crumpled pile of papers from the nineteen-thirties aside they were uncovered and she seemed satisfied.
It seemed that she was feeling more casual with him, that she was okay with making this a calm and friendly conversation; though she'd been a Beta before she had never been the type to use that position in a dominant way, not day to day at least. If a crisis arose there were reserves of steely, calculating decision making within her, Nerys could make tough choices and do so quickly with the temperament of pragmatism that came from years of her private work with spirits and secrets but for times like this she much preferred to come across as a friend and confidante rather than one of the four leaders, someone who could easily seem daunting. There was a lot of repair work to do, she knew not all of the pack were comfortable with her, even if they respected her and her new role in the pack whether out of sheer instinct, loyalty to Cole or out of a genuine knowledge that she had the pack's best interests at heart. Asher seemed comfortable at least, they had a lot in common and she took particular interest in him.
"I'm glad you brought it up, actually." Nerys continued as she poured tea out of the flask and into the cups, steam spiralling upwards delicately. Natasha, as always, had managed to make it just so, Nerys knew it was a tick of the younger females, she liked to do things precisely, she liked to hit perfection whenever and wherever she could. "I had wanted to talk to you about her once the dust had settled with Heidi leaving." Smiling serenely she picked up the saucers and moved around the desk properly, offering one to Asher as she sat herself down next to him in the unoccupied chair.
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Asher
Pack Werewolf
Cole's Pack
The world seems not the same, though I know nothing has changed.
Posts: 75
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Post by Asher on Aug 21, 2010 20:35:18 GMT
One thing that Asher had quickly come to realise about the pack he had been calling family for years was that those in positions of power did not wield them fiercely or with unnecessary displays of dominance to remind those around and beneath them just who was in charge. They commanded respect not with aggression and violence but because of their intellect and experience, their compassion and dedication to the pack itself. When Asher had heard that Nerys had taken the open seat of Beta female, he had been pleased to hear it; she had all the qualities he thought were needed in the role and he knew that she loved the pack dearly and would do anything and everything in her power to protect and help them. As long as he had been with the pack there had been a counsellor figure of sorts, and he fully believed that Nerys would be a great source of comfort and support to wolves in their family, no matter how old or young or how long they had been a member.
His dark eyes lifted from the flow of tea into the cups to Nerys' face as she poured but he didn't open his mouth to say a word in response until she had handed him one of the pair of beverages and moved to get herself comfortable in the empty seat nearby. His hand was steady as he held the saucer upon which the cup sat but inside he felt a flicker of anxiety upon hearing that Nerys had been planning to speak to him about the subject he had come to talk over with her today. There was undeniable curiosity too, a wolf's curiosity, but instead of making either obvious -- though he knew it was never that easy to conceal things from the blonde female sitting close by -- he met her gaze and said simply, "Oh?" It made sense to Asher to hear what Nerys had on her mind before he said anything else; it was entirely likely that she would address his concerns and thoughts and therefore eradicate the need for him to air them at all.
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Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Aug 23, 2010 22:54:13 GMT
There was an underlying ferocity in the Beta female, that was for certain, it wasn't often aired, it rarely saw the light of day as she was more prone to subtle displays of strength or dominance, she preferred to control a situation with words and often times with her natural presences which was notably different thanks to her otherworldly abilities. The pack didn't hurt for diversity in its leaders in that respect, it was necessary in her mind, and clearly in Cole's also, for the pack to have that difference at the top, the light and shade of dynamics, the soft spoken female added a different aspect to things and the pack had someone they could come and talk to about the most trivial of things, things that they would feel wrong for imposing upon the Alphas' time, though Cole and Dia would never turn anyone away. It was just that their time was precious and they had so many wolves under their care, the day to day running of the pack took up a lot of energy.
That was where Nerys came in.
"It's overwhelming for her being in the pack, I think we all understand that," Nerys began conversationally. "Susie would benefit from having a primary care giver, someone who can be on hand in a parental role, to put her to bed and make sure she eats, that sort of thing." Lips tightening as she blew across the surface of her tea, Nerys masked a small, pained expression. She sipped the liquid. "I would look after her myself, but I don't have the time that she needs-- well, that she deserves. In any case, she responds better to you, Asher." At that Nerys looked up properly, fixing her green eyes on him, placid but with a confident sort of firmness. "What would you think about looking after Susannah more permanently?"
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Asher
Pack Werewolf
Cole's Pack
The world seems not the same, though I know nothing has changed.
Posts: 75
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Post by Asher on Sept 4, 2010 14:07:46 GMT
The cup and saucer in his hand felt strangely small and delicate all of a sudden as they talked, discussing such important matters that affected not only him personally but someone else entirely outside the conversation, someone who couldn't participate for more than one reason; Susie wouldn't understand, just as she failed to understand so many things, and that was nothing against her, circumstances had rocked her to the core and it was no wonder she was struggling. It was a miracle she was even alive after the attack that had destroyed her family and left her a werewolf, the youngest most of the pack, their Alphas included, had ever heard of, even with all their varied experiences and travels across the globe. Mind running at its own busy pace, Asher leaned forward a little in his chair and set the saucer and cup down on the surface of the desk; it felt more secure there, and he felt less self-conscious about damaging it accidentally.
His dark eyes found Nerys' as she said what had obviously been on her mind for several weeks and he was quiet for a short time, turning the matter over in his mind, reaching up with the same hand that had been holding the tea to lightly push his hair away from his face. "I have been thinking about it," he admitted, gazing off to the side briefly before finding her gaze again. "There's something about her--" He took in a breath and his eyes dropped again, landing on a spot on the carpet that was no different from any around it but it was one that held his attention all the same. "Honestly?" Asher heard his own voice, and it was quieter, almost a murmur. "I feel... better when I'm with her. A little more whole." That was something Asher hadn't felt in a long time, not since Mari had died.
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Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Mar 21, 2011 14:12:46 GMT
"Then that's something you should hold onto," Nerys said, wearing a soft smile. "I know it can seem hard to move on, it can seem like a betrayal of the one you lost but if you can still feel some kind of connection to the people around you, if they help you to fill the hole inside then you should hold onto that." Sitting there in her new office telling Asher that he shouldn't let the loss of his mate ruin him for other people in his life, the people who deserved to know him and enjoy his company and she felt like a hypocrite; she thought of Keegan, not for the first time that day, and the sunburnt feeling came to her lips again, a hot tingle that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up at the same time. She took a breath and told herself this was different, knowing that it wasn't. "You should fight for it. I know Susie will be in capable hands with you. More than capable; she will flourish." Her words were firm and kind but her heartbeat was starting to hum and it wasn't because of the fighter's presence in the back of her mind.
Nerys put her cup and saucer down and touched her throat with her fingers; werewolves were naturally warmer than humans but she felt as though her veins were on fire and dizziness was sweeping over her in a wave. She gripped the edge of her desk and started to stand up, unpopping the top button on her blouse. Something was wrong, something was very wrong very close by and the dark feeling of evil came upon her as a wave breaking against a shore; a hot and roiling sea, burning and black with charcoal washing over the beach of her consciousness.
She swallowed, her throat hot and dry. "I'm sorry, Asher," she said softly, holding onto her desk with one hand as she stood.
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Asher
Pack Werewolf
Cole's Pack
The world seems not the same, though I know nothing has changed.
Posts: 75
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Post by Asher on Mar 21, 2011 15:58:02 GMT
He had been on the brink of smiling when Nerys' very demeanour seemed to change inexplicably. There were very few who knew exactly what it was the Beta female could do with the rare abilities she possessed and Asher was not one of those with that sort of knowledge. It left him understandably confused and concerned when she made to stand and gripped at the desk, her voice quieter now and seeming almost a touch distracted. With his own cup and saucer already safety set on the desk he had both hands free to push on the arms of the chair to rise towards his full height, though he didn't get all the way, pausing at the same point Nerys herself had, consciously or otherwise.
"Are you all right?" he asked with worry in his voice, an unspoken question as to whether or not he should seek help from someone better suited. The topic they had been discussing was briefly put out of his mind though her words had sunk in and taken root to be recalled and used later when they were needed. In that moment he was focused on the Beta female, his instincts rising and commanding him to see to it that she was all right and that she got help if she needed it from those who were able to offer it. "Should I call someone?" He asked instead of doing, not wanting to jump to conclusions and inadvertently complicate the situation. There were many things he didn't understand, perhaps couldn't understand, and the last thing he wanted was to make the situation worse than it needed to be.
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Nerys
Beta Werewolf
Cole's Pack: Medium
I'm haunted by the lives that I have loved and the actions I have hated.
Posts: 250
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Post by Nerys on Mar 21, 2011 16:40:50 GMT
One of the things that Nerys disliked the most out of all the aspects of her ability was the fact that something like this could happen at any time, completely out of the blue. There was no warning, just as there was often no context; she didn't know what was happening, only that she felt an overwhelming sensation that something was wrong. It was close though, she knew that much; close and hot and stifling to all her senses. Nerys' skin prickled, she felt sweat tingling beneath the surface of her skin, waiting to break out in a fever at any moment. It had interrupted the conversation with Asher and she felt badly about that but she also knew that she had to deal with this in whatever way she could manage and that she didn't have a choice in the matter. When these feelings came over her they demanded her full attention that was often that.
At his concerned questions she turned her head and straightened up a little, placing a hand on her clavicle and feeling her usually cool skin burn aggressively against her palm. "I'm all right," she said softly, "I'm fine." There was nothing physically wrong exactly, she didn't feel as though she was going to pass out, but she did feel disorientated, as though her eyes and her mind were seeing two different things and she wasn't entirely sure which one was to be trusted. Yes, she thought. Yes, she needed to speak to someone about this. Thinking of Keegan would be fatal of course, she couldn't do that to herself at that moment, she had (ironically) burned that bridge and the sting of pain it brought into her chest wouldn't make matters any easier. This was exactly the sort of thing she wanted to spare him anyway, this was why she had pushed him away and that was why she was damn well going to be strong and controlled and deal with this on her own terms without sucking the fighter into some awful chain of events.
"I need to speak to Cole," she said after a pause. There was no real way of knowing if this was something that the Alpha needed to be made aware of but she had a feeling, a gut reaction that told her she needed to speak with him about it and that was enough for her.
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